Smoking Vs Chocolate

So the other day while at the zoo I saw a group of parents who had to have their smokes and it just killed me that their children had to wait around in a cloud of smoke while their parents finished ruining their lungs. I understand that smoking is an addiction and that for some people it's really hard to quit but why must I suffer through your bad decision. I have to admit I have an addiction also, it's called chocolate, but I don't make other people suffer through my problem with it. I'll show you what I mean.

When smokers stand right in front of a doorway I have to walk through a nasty smelling cloud of smoke. When I am eating chocolate in front of a doorway I don't shove my candy bar into another person's face.

When smokers are finished with their cigarettes while driving they just decide to throw them out the car window thus littering the world. When I finish my chocolate I don't toss the wrappers out the window I throw them out the next time I get gas.

When some smokers decide to have children they make the children suffer by not either quitting or taking it outside. I keep my chocolate away from children (it's all mine) and there is no such thing as second hand chocolate. (By the way I believe if a smoker decides to have children by law they must quit smoking but that's just me.)

When smoking in the woods some careless smokers start fires by not extinguishing their cigarettes before discarding them. When I bring chocolate on a hike I properly dispose of my wrapper in a receptacle and thus also avoiding littering again.

So you see I admit I have an addiction but I don't make the world suffer with me. So chocolate wins.

Writer's Block

Not that anyone probably noticed but I didn't post anything last week. Unfortunately I had a little case of writer's block. There were a couple of topics I would love to write about but unfortunately that would probably get me into a little trouble at the present time. This week I hope to have a post ready about my newest crazy idea. I love my crazy ideas. I will write a weekend recap tonight.

Sorry no change

Let me preface this blog with the message that I am very generous when it comes to charity. I volunteered over 150 hours last year to various charities and gave as much as I could afford.

So this week was the Knights of Columbus days where they solicit donations for the MD charity. As I was driving up to the red light at the intersection I could see the infamous yellow vests so I did what I normally do in this situation and I dug around my car to see if I had any loose change. Unfortunately I did not have any cash this time but luckily the gentleman had already passed my car by the time I popped my head back up. This got me to thinking. Here a couple of pointers if you are ever in this situation or just don't feel like giving to charity.

Main point is never look the person in the eye.

If they spot you you can pretend to be answering the phone or my favorite is dive down towards the floor as if you must find something immediately.

But the true way to avoid this (for the people that are just not strong enough to just completely ignore the solicitors) is keep a container on the seat next to you. Inside it you can hide some of the commonly used items that these organizations give out. For example in my case I would whip out my tootsie roll and throw it up on the dashboard. Or if those Kiwanis people are stalking you bring out your bag of peanuts and put them in clear view of everyone. And make sure you have a red poppy in your box for those men in black and green. There are more items but these are the only ones I could come up with right now.

Bored in the Store

As you all may know (all meaning my mom) my current full-time, bill paying job is in retail and with the current economy and everyone back in school sometimes there is a little down time. After you have straighted every rack for the third time you start to get a little bored. Since I don't have a computer to pretend I am doing work on I have to entertain myself. Normally I either write poetry or work on my next blog but every once in awhile I get writer's block and have to do something else. Here are a few of the things I like to do (hopefully my managers are not reading this):

• Dance with the mannequins to the lovely muzak.
• Count ceiling tiles.
• Obviously try on clothes. It's probably why retail employees go into debt, they're always shopping.
• Make sure I keep my flexibility by doing splits and cartwheels down the aisles. I also do my ballet stretches by pretending the counter is a ballet barre.
• People watching, but this always leads me to singing Paul Simon songs.
• I practice tap dancing to because the clacking on the tile sounds so cool.
• I also contemplate the deep life altering questions like:
• Why can a show with a group of really bad actors succeed and no one notices they're bad until after the show is done and they try individual projects?
• Why aren't my store interactions as funny as "Are You Being Served?"
• Haven't people learned to bring their own bags yet?
• What do you think was on the very first to do list (honey do list)? Kill dinner, sweep cave, invent fire and the wheel?
• Why is it when I am the only person in the ladies' room does the next person always have to take the stall next to me?
• When all else fails I find a fitting room that isn't being used and I take a nap.

Oh well back to work.

Just a quick note

I just got home from watching "Julie and Julia." It inspired me a little and helped me remember that life does not end when you turn 30 (or 33). I still would love to work on my talk show idea that slightly concerns this concept, but I do not want to give out details right now in case someone actually reads this blog and decides to steal my crazy ideas.

My mom and I were joking the other day about what my schtick would be if I ever decided to actually become a stand-up comic. Being Jewish (or half Jewish) has been done to death. The differences between men and women is played out. I could joke about being short but don't know where to go with that and then it hit us. I should do bits about what it was like dating a man who was a foot and a half taller than me. I think I could make some funny observational jokes about that.

Oh well, I will leave this entry with Julia's famous words, Bon Apetit.

How NOT to Succeed in LA

Here are the first few tips I can give on how to fail at getting into the entertainment industry in Los Angeles.

• Be under 5' 7" and overweight.
• Don't go to the clubs and parties.
• Get a full-time job to pay the bills that has an inflexible schedule.
• Skip every chance you get to audition or work on a project.
• Don't network, always keep to yourself.

I will impart more of my wisdom at a later date. These are some pointers that I know for a fact will help keep you from getting your dream job.

Week in Recap

Just want to share some of things I learned this week.

• If you barbeque at night always bring a flashlight.
• Chipmunks are stupid animals, no offense Alvin.
• Don't breathe in the same time you are taking a drink of soda.
• I am not completely crazy. It's nice to have someone impartial to talk to even if it costs $100 an hour. And no it's nothing like "Good Will Hunting."
  

Lastly my shout-out of the week goes to single parents. After getting adjusted to living with 2 little boys I just want to show my respect to single parents who have to work full-time and raise children on their own. You have my strong admiration.